six

when i learned that you had turned down an opportunity to spend the summer holiday with your sister in the united kingdom because you had projects you were working on, i felt somewhat responsible for your death. partly because i knew the projects you were talking about, and i was part of them — or at least some of them.

you didn’t mention it to me, maybe because you thought i would have advised you to prioritize fun and time with family. if that was the case, you wouldn’t have been wrong. maybe you would have received better care there. maybe you’d still be here now.

after sitting with that thought for a while, i felt relief instead, albeit in a selfish way. selfish because it meant i got to spend more time with you, and with your most passionate self. you told me yourself that you had never felt more motivated than when you were with me. i’m glad i made as much impact in your life as you did in mine.

it breaks my heart that i can’t carry any of those projects forward. i’ve thought about it, but they were so tied to your vision, energy, and way of seeing the world. without you, they feel hollow.

plus, they weren’t just tasks on a list. they were pieces of you, and attempting to continue them feels like trying to finish a painting when all the colors have faded.

still, i promise you this:

the world will know your name, as long as i’m alive and well.
or at the very least, anyone who crosses my path will.

you deserve that.